


killing me softly

by Clumsyooh



Category: Dreamcatcher - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Music, F/F, Hidden Secret, Musical Instruments, Musicians, Songfic, inspired by killing me softly, lyricist; Gahyeon, other members mentioned but not effecting the story so, trainee; Handong
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:15:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28955565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clumsyooh/pseuds/Clumsyooh
Summary: She came for inspiration, not to feel exposed by a stranger.
Relationships: Han Dong | Handong/Lee Gahyeon
Comments: 3
Kudos: 38





	1. prologue: skin

Gahyeon was stuck in her recording room, trying to find a single word for her next song but had nothing, no inspiration, nor motivation. She rested her head on the chair to look at the ceiling. 

Someone entered the room, breaking her isolation mood. No one unfamiliar, it’s only Yoohyeon, her coworker, best friend, and one of the best songwriters in the company. 

“Still struggling?”

“I hope not but haha yes,” Gahyeon said.

“How about changing your environment?” Yoohyeon said, “come with me to the audition that they might inspire you.”

Gahyeon saw this as a good idea; she doesn’t like to be out when she is in a writing mood, but sometimes she has to. So, she agreed to go and see that audition.

\--

A lot of auditioners, everyone is chasing their dreams by this opportunity. Gahyeon looked at all of them carefully, she started the same as them and in the same place, she had a dream to be as a singer like all of them. Then, fate decided to make her leave singing forever. 

Thankfully, the company offered to her to be a lyricist and composer since they don’t want to waste her talent. It was a hard decision to make at first, she has hated music so much and anything related to it. Eventually, with the help of Kim Bora the CEO of BreakTheWall Entertainment, and Kim Yoohyeon her best friend and producer in the same company, Gahyeon accepted the offer to be a producer in the company.

Now after years since her retirement, Gahyeon almost forgot that she used to be a singer and not a producer since the start, this environment gave her flashbacks. Especially when she saw that girl who caught the lyricist's attention, that who is going to start to sing at that moment. She seemed in Gahyeon’s age now but had the spirit of young Gahyeon, very ambitious and dreamy.

That girl sat up the keyboard, ready to play while singing, she sang skin by Sixx: A.M.

**“Paint yourself a picture**

**Of what you wish you looked like”**

That made Gahyeon rise her head to give more attention to the singer. The girl looked at her and continued singing while having a slight eye contact with Gahyeon.

**“And when they start to judge you**

**Show them your true colors**

**And do on to others**

**As you'd have done to you**

**Just rise above this**

**Kill them with your kindness”**

The lyricist felt dizzy with every letter that came from that girl’s mouth, she felt that she was talking to her and it wasn’t just a random song. She felt that girl chose the song exactly to say 

‘ _ this is for you Lee Gahyeon’ _

**“Well they don't even know you**

**All they see is scars**

**And they don't see the angels**

**Living in your heart**

**So let them find the real you**

**Buried deep within**

**Let them know with all you've got**

**That you are not**

**You are not your skin**

**Oh oh, oh oh”**

The auditioner finished the song, thanked all of the room for listening, and left the room. 

Since she left, Gahyeon stopped listening to any other audition. That girl’s voice is echoing inside her head millions of times and haunting her like a nightmare. It was like a slap on Gahyeon’s face and it made her lose her sense of the world. She didn’t even hear Yoohyeon telling her that the audition finished.

“Lee Gahyeon” Yooheyon shook her.

“Huh.”

“In what universe did you land?”

“What?” Gahyeon still wasn’t focused yet.

“What’s going on? Since when you've been spaced out?”

“I’m here I’m not spacing out.”

“The audition finished and you didn’t realize that.”

Gahyeon looked at the empty place, everyone left. She didn’t even know when she stopped listening because of that piano girl with her strong eye contact. The lyricist felt like that girl knows her secret and was playing with Gahyeon’s pain. Gahyeon was pretty sure that she is a stranger, but everything she did is giving the lyricist a sense of being exposed.

“What’s the name of the girl who sang skin?” Gahyeon asked Yoohyeon out of nowhere. 

“The one who played the piano?” Yoohyeon asked, “Did your gay heart flutter?”

“Shut up and tell me”

“She’s Handong, she’s a musical graduate.” Yoohyeon laughed, “CEO Kim liked her, the vocal coach was impressed too”

_ Handong. _

A name kept ringing inside Gahyeon’s mind for no reason. She came for inspiration, not to feel exposed by a stranger.


	2. spilled coffee.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a new experience but someone spilled the coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the second chapter is here~ hope you enjoy
> 
> the song mentioned is "Be Alright - Georgia Box"  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0qn3sAkRhA

Six months later

Gahyeon got a call from the CEO telling her to meet the next girl group she’s debuting. It’s an old tradition CEO Kim created since she started this company, her main goal is always creating ‘artists’. So, she always prepares her trainees to be more talented than expected. Many trainees joined as performers only and expect they ended up producers like Gahyeon.

The lyricist entered the recording room to see four girls sitting, waiting for her. When they saw Gahyeon they greeted her very politely with a smile.

She looked at them one by one; and saw an unexpected person. She kept thinking about that one for the past months but didn’t expect to meet her again.

“Hello everyone, I’m Gahyeon.” She greeted them with a smile, “I’m known here as the lyricist and composer too.”

“We know you, we’re fans,” one of the trainees said, she had a shiny smile, red hair and was taller than the lyricist.

“That’s good,” Gahyeon smiled, “actually I don’t know you, can you introduce yourself?”

“I’m Kim Minji, I’m the vocalist, leader, and guitarist.” the bright girl said.

“I’m Lee Yubin and I’m the rapper and the bassist.” another girl with blue hair said. She’s shorter than all of them and duller than the other girl.

“I’m Lee Siyeon, I’m also a vocalist and a guitarist” she also has short blue hair but it was shorter than Yubin’s.

“I’m Handong, vocalist, drummer. Also, I play keyboard too.”

She’s here again. The lyricist didn’t doubt her of being accepted but didn’t expect to be the one responsible of her.

Flashbacks came to Gahyeon’s head when she met Handong again, she kept thinking of her since that audition day. She even watched her audition record millions of times without any reason, she really didn’t know why she kept rewatching. She just got the feeling of wanting to do that.

“Sorry guys, Gahyeon is in her writing mode that’s why she’s spacing out a lot” Yoohyeon warped her arms around Gahyeon’s neck.

“Ah, stop doing this.”

“This spaced out Gahyeom has created a lot of masterpieces” Yoohyeon bragged, “you know that all hits from this company? It’s by this small Lee Gahyeon.”

“Stop it Kim Yoohyeon. Also, Yoohyeon got a lot of hits.” she tried to keep astraight face but she ended up laughing at Yoohyeon, “she is a famous producer here, and she was there before me.”

“Sure, sure.” Yoohyeon gave a goofy laugh then excused herself to leave.

“Anyways ignore her, let’s be serious,” Gahyeon said, “I heard you have some drafts to let me look at, am I wrong?”

“I have one,” Handong spoke, “It’s really the very first draft. I don’t know if it’s good.”

“It’s okay. Want to sing it?” Gahyeon asked

“I think yes”

Handong took her paper to read the lyrics from it and started humming to give others a melodic feel.

**“** **You've got a secret that you can't sustain**

**But you don't know what to say...**

**And they think that you're OK**

**When you're really going under**

**Lay awake til 4AM, all these thoughts running through my head**

**Will I ever dream again? When will these days be over?**

**And this demon making a fool of me**

**Wrapped in his chains he won't set me free**

**Won't relieve me from his gravity”**

Gahyeon lost it again, she won’t believe that Handong really wrote a song about someone else and not not about the lyricist. Yes, Gahyeon knows that Handong doesn’t know her and what she faced, but how those words felt like they were about her. She literally talked about Gahyeon’s pain.

“What inspired you with this song?” Gahyeon asked unconsciously once Handong finished.

“I’m trying to deliver a message in my music so I always talk about social issues like depression and other things” Handong smiled peacefully.

“Wanna teach you how to compose and maybe do it together?” Gahyeon said mindlessly.

Handong was so happy to hear this from the biggest composer in the company and agreed immediately.

Yoohyeon took the other girls to teach them too, while Gahyeon and Handong are going to stay together to learn how to produce Handong’s song.

\--

The relationship between Gahyeon and Handong became closer day by day, they kept working at night because of Handong’s training schedule.

“You seem very close with the trainee, I see” Yoohyeon sat on the chair near Gahyeon.

“She is a trainee, Yoohyeon.” Gahyeon wasn’t focusing on her but on the computer instead.

“That you drooled while looking at her.”

“Ugh, fuck off.” Gahyeon groaned, “get off I have work with her.”

“Have a nice date,” Yoohyeon teased her.

The tallest stood up and went to the door. Once she opened the door she saw Handong, holding two cups of coffee, and clearly didn’t know how to knock on the door. Yoohyeon let out a soft laugh then helped her to get in the studio. After that, she greeted Handong and excused herself to leave.

Handong sat shyly on the chair next to Gahyeon, looking at the lyricist who’s focusing on the screen trying to open the file to show her what she’s ended up with. Gahyeon was trying to find a melody to the song that Handong wrote. They ended up with multiple melodies, and now it’s the trainee’s choice to choose which one that gave her the best vibe and feel.

“I like the piano version more,” Handong said “it conveys more feelings of my message.”

“Nice,” Gahyeon smiled, “wanna try to experience a live performance?”

“How?”

“Let’s go to my secret place.”

Gahyeon stood up, took her cup of coffee, and asked Handong to follow her. 

They entered a place it looked like a school stage, it’s a quiet place, and most likely not a lot of people come there. It’s fully prepared to be like a regular stage, it has microphones, multiple instruments, and speakers.

“What is that?” the trainee asked.

“It’s the place my teacher used to let me be in while vocal training.”

“Why just you?” Handong said, “I mean why no one comes here anymore?”

“After my retirement, the CEO gave it to me, so I could train or just sing in my free time” Gahyeon smiled, “now it’s your turn to try to be on stage and I will play the piano.”

Handong ran to the stage while Gahyeon was setting everything up, she placed the cup of her coffee on the table next to the keyboard and gave Handong a sign that they will start.

The trainee held the microphone, closed her eyes and started pouring her feelings while singing. Carefully pronouncing every word, focusing on her voice not to crack to send the exact note needed. That song contained all of the trainee’s feelings about the situation.

**“And they say time will start the healing...**

**If only they knew half the feeling**

**I feel alone but I say that I'm alright**

**(Yeah you'll be alright)**

**"Just take a pill and you'll feel better, you're just a little under the weather"**

**I'm fighting every day and every night!**

**But I'll be alright...**

**Yeah I'll be alright…”**

Whenever Handong sings this part, Gahyeon can't hold herself not to look at her. The amount of emotions that the trainee was pouring is so deep, it feels like she’s talking to peoples’ souls not just singing. She gets lost in the trainee’s beauty whenever she’s drowning in her singing mood until she finishes. 

Gahyeon lost in Handong’s details. Thankfully her hands know the keys, but Gahyeon’s mind stopped functioning. 

Handong finished and smiled at Gahyeon, then she walked to get closer to the producer. She stumbled with some wires that made her lose her balance and spill the hot coffee on Gahyeon.

Gahyeon stood up so fast to make sure that the coffee won't catch on any electricity and instead only on her sweater which is much better. 

A sudden panic started to get over her legs and made her wanna fall immediately, but she kept herself strong for the young trainee. 

“I’m sorry, Gahyeon sunbae.” Handong went to her bag and took a napkin trying to clean things up “can you take it off so I could clean it? It’s not that cold now, and if you are, you can take my jacket. You already are wearing multiple layers.”

“No it’s okay, Handong.” she took the napkin and kept cleaning herself.

“Please, it’s my fault.”

“It’s not, you just stumbled.” She kept cleaning, “I’m going to the restroom, stay here.”

Gahyeon ran very fast to the restroom praying that Handong won’t follow her.

Once she reached the restroom, she looked around and opened all the toilet doors to make sure no one is here. When it’s all clear she took off her sweater, looked at her body like she does every day when she dresses up, but now she’s afraid that someone will see her. 

The producer looked at her full of burn scars arms, then touched her melted skin. Many flashbacks came to her head while touching the burnt skin, making her fingers find their way from the arm to the shoulder to the end of her neck. In her left side and right side, it all burned.

“Gahyeon sunbaenim..” someone cut her thoughts, looking scared or surprised. Gahyeon couldn’t translate that expression.

“Oh! Handong.” Gahyeon tried to wear her sweater again, but Handong fastened her steps to take off that dirty sweater and put her jacket on Gahyeon instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, I hope you liked it.
> 
> you can find me in @clumsysamu in twt and send feedbacks in my cc: https://curiouscat.me/clumsysamu


	3. Hidden Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened to Gahyeon?
> 
> TW // mentioning suicide and past trauma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we are back.
> 
> sorry for any mistakes on advance

“Oh! Handong” Gahyeon tried to wear her sweater again, but Handong hastens her steps to take off that dirty sweater and put her jacket on Gahyeon instead.

Gahyeon looked at Handong in the eyes like the first time they did at the audition. The trainee's expression changed, and she had a more serious and protective one.

“Wear my jacket,” Handong said with a calm and deep voice, and Gahyeon couldn’t do a thing but do whatHandong asked for.

Handong took the sweater, cleaned it with water. Then she took it with her.

“You don’t have to,” Gahyeon said.

“Consider it as a thank you for what you did for me.”

Both smiled at each other then went back to the studio.

  
  


\--

“You don’t have any questions about what you saw?” Gahyeon asked.

“I have one,” Handong looked at the ground “but it’s not, ‘what happened to you’ type of questions.”

“What then?”

“Is that’s why you retired?”

“Exactly,” Gahyeon slightly crossed her arms together, “I’m not pretty anymore now.”

“Pfft, that’s bullshit,” Handong smiled when she realized that she cursed, “all over that you are still one of the genius songwriters in the industry.”

  
  


Gahyeon’s face became so red and only smiled.

“Want advice from a senior?” Handong just nodded “be careful from people around in the industry, don’t date a man or engage with any man in the industry”

“For that don’t worry” Handong laughed “I thought you realized already that I’m gay, you don’t have that strong gaydar, do you?”

“How-” Gahyeon’s face became redder.

“All the company knows that you are gay, I’m sorry if I said something wrong or if you are straight. It’s okay to be straight you know.”

“No, I’m gay, very..”

\---

Gahyeon got home, she took Handong’s jacket off and hung it on the hanger. Then she went to her room and took off her shirts. Once she saw her burnt body, the memories came back again as if it ever left her for a second, she remembers everything in detail.

A long time ago, Gahyeon has been one of the most famous soloists of her time. She has that talent, personality, and presence that definitely made everyone fall in love with her. She can only breathe, and she will get a lot of love and praise for doing that.

A lot of male idols shared their interest in Gahyeon which was expected to hear and see since the idol been very successful. It was all fine until that male idol asked her out and she kindly rejected him. He was so obsessed and didn’t like that she rejected him.

  
  


He spread a false scandal with her that they were dating with fake videos and pictures about them together. His point is to make Gahyeon either date him for a while or just ruin each other reputation by telling the public about the lies he said.

This rumor spread so fast in the media, a lot of his fans have been so angry and Gahyeon is the one who received all hate.

One of his fans was an employee in Gahyeon’s company, she went to the toilet when Gahyeon was in and spilled an acid that burned her entire upper body and few burns on her thighs. Then called the emergency saying that she saw Gahyeon on the floor burning.

The emergency came and rushed to the hospital, but nothing was released to the public yet. Just her CEO, manager, and Yoohyeon at the beginning. Eventually, the press knew that Gahyeon rushed to the hospital, but didn’t get more details about it. The company took good care of keeping Gahyeon’s situation very private.

Everyone was curious about what happened with Gahyeon. Why is she suddenly in the emergency room? What happened to her? And a lot of these questions were brought up that day.

The company released a statement about the rumors and Gahyeon’s health. They told the press that they will take very serious legal actions against the rumors. For Gahyeon’s health, they decided to keep things private.

After that statement, the public calmed down and Gahyeon disappeared.

The company didn’t stay in silence, they found the one who did it, sued her, and asked for rough punishment because of what she did to Gahyeon. On the other side, that male idol has been exposed to the public for blackmailing female idols and harassing them, so the company took advantage of that and sued him too.

For Gahyeon, she hated everything. Hated music, fame, entertainment. She literally needed to kill herself instead of living this nightmare. Living with herself now is her biggest nightmare.

The lyricist stayed away from the public eyes for so long, eventually, the company announced her retirement. The news was a shock for everyone, that very talented female idol retired at the start of her twenties. Gahyeon gave up her dreams, her passion, and her safest place, just because a scandal ruined her life.

CEO Kim never gave up on her, she tried very hard to let her get back to music. The only way that might be good for Gahyeon was the idea of her being in the production team instead of being an idol. Instead of being a singer, she will be a lyricist and producer. The idea got in Gahyeon’s head but it took time for her to accept that generous offer from her CEO. 

After a year in therapy, Gahyeon decided to get back to music as a producer. The public took the news very positively, they don’t know about the accident but everyone is happy to see Gahyeon being alright.

That accident is still haunting her until now. She feels the fire on her skin almost every night. Even with surgeries that made burns less visible or distorted, it won’t make the trauma go.

Since Gahyeon lost her hope of getting back on stage with more revealing outfits, her style changed into baggy hoodies and long pants no matter what season it was. Her recording room is the coldest room in the company because she will never take off her black hoodie.

Now, Handong knew her secret and made the lyricist feel more exposed by the trainee. She didn’t know what to do next and how could she work with Handong, the trainee must’ve seen her as a freak already and is scared too.

Gahyeon might have slight feelings for the trainee but now it’s obvious that she will lose her chance anyways. No one will like a woman with a fully damaged body. 

Her destiny is to be alone...

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> follow me in twitter @clumsysamu for more information or to keep up with work
> 
> any questions or feedback to my cc https://curiouscat.me/clumsysamu


End file.
